Detachment
"Detachment is experiencing your feelings without allowing your feelings to control you. It is choosing how you will react in a situation rather than just reacting… Detachment is a way to use thinking and feeling together, so that you don't let your feelings run away with you."
-From the Virtues Project cards, with permission from The Virtues Project™
People often ask about the virtue of Detachment. They see it as a negative quality, as not being engaged with people, or as being uncaring. When the definition of Detachment is read, there is a big sigh, an understanding, an AHA. Then, Detachment is seen as a gift, like, "Oh, I have a choice about how I can act in a situation. I hadn't thought of that before."
Some of the biggest gifts I have had from Detachment have been when my daughters were in their late teens and twenties… when they were unhappy with their choices, or when I was unhappy with their choices! With Detachment, I could step back and say, "This is their journey, not mine. If I try to fix the situation or give my (unsolicited) advice, I am robbing them of the opportunity for them to practice their virtues of discernment, courage, or wisdom. And of course, they will learn from their teachable moments, just as I have learned from mine. They have the opportunity to strengthen their spiritual muscles. What a gift Detachment is.
Questions for reflection:
- When have I experienced my feelings without allowing my feelings to control me?
- How can I practice detachment with my family members?
- How can I refrain from giving my unsolicited advice?
- How does detachment keep me safe?