Virtues Training Living a Joy-Filled Life
  • Home
  • Mentoring
  • For Couples
  • Online Courses
    • Virtues Project Facilitator Program
    • Introduction to The Virtues Project Online Course
    • A Pace of Grace
    • The Art of Listening
  • Shop
  • About Us
    • Betsy Lydle Smith & Pete Smith
    • Virtues Training
    • Partnering Facilitators
    • The Virtues Project™
    • What our Clients are Saying
    • FAQ
    • Client List
  • Workshops
    • Calendar of Events
    • For Schools & Organizations
    • For Parents
    • Introduction to The Virtues Project
    • For Personal Growth
    • Intentional Grandparenting
    • Become a Facilitator
  • Blog
  • Pace of Grace Free Webinar
  • Contact Us

Compassion, guilt, and shame

1/7/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Sometimes, as I reflect on my year, I feel guilty that I haven't been more purposeful, or that I've eaten way too many holiday cookies, or that I haven't spent more time with my loved ones.  Perhaps you too, feel guilty sometimes.  Or does it turn to shame?  Shame about your body after eating all those cookies, or shame that you are not enough. How can we address this?

Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook, reflects on the difference between guilt and shame in her book Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy. Ms. Sandberg lost her beloved husband Dave unexpectedly at age 48.  In her discussion about grief, she notices that we are often critical and judgmental of ourselves. (Sound familiar?)

Sandberg says that, "we all need self-compassion, which comes from recognizing that our imperfections come from being human....Self-compassion often coexists with remorse."  She suggests looking at our actions instead of our character.  Erma Bombeck said that "guilt is the gift that keeps on giving," and Sandberg says "Guilt keeps us striving to improve.
Shame has the opposite effect: it makes people feel small and worthless, leading them to attack in anger or shrink away to self-pity."  Research shows that elementary and middle school students who felt shame were more hostile and aggressive, while guilt-prone kids were more likely to defuse conflicts.  Linda Kavelin-Popov, co-founder of The Virtues Project says that guilt should only be used as a signal for change.

So, what will help us to use guilt as a signal for change, to use self-compassion for our human frailties, and to leave shame behind in this new year?

I highly recommend Sheryl Sandberg's Option B, as well as Linda Kavelin-Popov'sGraceful Endings, for all of us who are dealing with serious illness, grief and loss or who want to know what to say to those who are.
Virtues Reflection Card Courtesy of The Virtues Project
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    A Virtues Moment Blog

     

    Sign up now!

    ​Author

    Betsy Lydle Smith publishes a monthly blog titled, "A Virtues Moment"  Sign up NOW!

    Archives

    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    December 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Betsy Lydle Smith
(425) 753-6498

betsy@virtuestraining.com
Copyright 2020 Virtues Training
Website by Lotus Connections LLC
  • Home
  • Mentoring
  • For Couples
  • Online Courses
    • Virtues Project Facilitator Program
    • Introduction to The Virtues Project Online Course
    • A Pace of Grace
    • The Art of Listening
  • Shop
  • About Us
    • Betsy Lydle Smith & Pete Smith
    • Virtues Training
    • Partnering Facilitators
    • The Virtues Project™
    • What our Clients are Saying
    • FAQ
    • Client List
  • Workshops
    • Calendar of Events
    • For Schools & Organizations
    • For Parents
    • Introduction to The Virtues Project
    • For Personal Growth
    • Intentional Grandparenting
    • Become a Facilitator
  • Blog
  • Pace of Grace Free Webinar
  • Contact Us